Like my patience for Tim Sweeney, we’re in and out in five minutes, or I am setting fire to something. Monday, hero-based visual novel Dispatch gets a deluxe edition 1st anniversary update. Tuesday, Croc 2 is out now, and if you want to look like a ponce from Persona, there are 30th anniversary clothes. Wednesday, Bloody Hell Hotel is releasing in 2027 and is one of three times my editor can’t complain to me for saying bloody hell. Thursday, Nintendo did a thing, and Witchbrook has a 2027 release date, while I worry Alexx has gone insane for liking The House Dreams Along with Them ahead of its November release.

Onto the Epic Games Store, and while it is a double bill this week, I looked up Galaxy Kart on Steam, and it is apparently a VR game, so I care as much about that on mobile as you care about my Football Manager Advanced Access save. What if Mario Kart had less personality and brand recognition, but was also built as a VR game ported to mobile? What if I stuck my face in a blender? These questions and more are things no one has ever asked.

Meanwhile, the proper offering this week is a repeat of what was part of Epic’s game-a-day Christmas giveaway spree, and you didn’t download it then either. Released in 2024, Sorry We’re Closed is what if you pulled the action shooter out of every trans woman’s mind and actually made it: It is late-90s retro graphics for a survival horror game that’s story-driven, and the main character wears a bright magenta coat. If the description didn’t note her name as Michelle, I’d have guessed it was some variant of Natalie. Reviewed overwhelmingly positively on Steam, what more did you really expect me to add for a game you probably already picked up?

All this week you can pick up Sorry We’re Closed, and I guess Galaxy Kart too, on the Epic Games Store until the 5th of November. Expect me to swear many times next week, as it is the yearly time to celebrate terrorism – the good kind. However, we’ll be talking about Flotsam and Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms, the latter of which feels like I’ve committed terrorism with that torture that it is to cover that dull tripe. Go away now, I want to play more Football Manager 27.

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