Heated Rivalry and the Otherness of Gay Men

It has taken me a while to figure out how I wanted to approach this topic. I love Heated Rivalry. In fact, it settles into a part of me that would have suggested you were stupid (or crazy) if you told me in my teens that a TV series about gay men in love (that actually showcased their sexual chemistry) would be celebrated. However, despite Heated Rivalry sitting among the likes of Heartstopper in series about gay people that don’t just portray how messy we can be, I’ve seen an interesting (and frustrating) sort of discourse around it.

First off, let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way. Yes, there are sex scenes in Heated Rivalry. However, unlike Game of Thrones, which used sex scenes to try and make a softcore, gratuitous, shock-value version of a half-hearted yet gritty medieval political thriller palatable for the masses, Heated Rivalry is different.

Any discussion online with any sort of attempt at good faith will discuss the sex scenes differently. Sex is used to chart the path of both Shane and Ilya’s relationship and that of Scott and Kip. What would be trashy, gratuitous, bodice-ripping fluff in any other show becomes a focal point showcasing how sexuality shapes and affects us, our relationships, and how we see each other.

With that thought in mind, I’ve seen several varying reactions to Heated Rivalry as a whole. I have seen the obvious homophobic reactions, of course, but I have also seen straight people who have resonated with it, both men and women.

I’ve seen people who didn’t “understand gay people” start to actually percolate the idea that our relationships aren’t just clubs and messiness in the vein of Queer as Folk. Don’t get me wrong, I love Queer as Folk (the US version) as a piece of gay culture and a foundational piece of queer media, but it has plenty of issues.

Yet for every positive reaction, I have seen an annoying throughline. Unfortunately, I have seen a lot of conversation about how Heated Rivalry is for the “female gaze” and while I understand the intent behind it, there’s an insulting context. I didn’t spend my formative years getting gay jokes from cheerleaders and getting the “can’t you just be my gay bestie, teehee” line behind superficial friendships just to have my adult life fetishized the same way.

Don’t misunderstand me here, I’m not saying women shouldn’t appreciate the fact that two attractive men are in various states of undress on screen. I’m also not even suggesting that gay men shouldn’t be objectified. Hell, for all the years women got objectified on paper and screen, I think men in general (regardless of orientation) have at least a century of objectification to make up for.

What I am saying here is that if you sit down and ask yourself the question of “would I rather be alone with a bear or a man,” and your answer changes if the question referred to a gay man instead, there might be more to it than that. Sure, gay men can be safer for women in public, because we don’t have any desire to sleep with them. However, there are gay serial killers and criminals too. We aren’t perfect.

Fetishizing the gay experience and suggesting that we’re just hot boys that like boys isn’t being an ally. It reduces all the struggles that LGBTQIA+ people have gone through just to get a foothold. Calling Heated Rivalry the “Gay Hockey show where the boys are naked” is (while partially accurate) reductive, because there are plenty of us who never thought it would be possible to get here.

Is Heated Rivalry perfect? By no means is it without its issues. I haven’t read the books yet, but I’m sure there are parts that they weren’t able to include and parts that were changed. However, even if Heated Rivalry isn’t perfect, I think in the times we live in, where LGBTQIA+ folks are struggling with all sorts of bigotry and hatred, things like this are important to celebrate.

Maybe I should have kept this one in the drafts, as I’m sure some people who have gotten this far are thinking. However, as we get closer to Pride, I think it’s also important to have serious dialogues about the things we are celebrating. History will hopefully look at Heated Rivalry as good, affirming, sex-positive queer media created during a time when we needed positivity and joy. I’d much rather it be viewed that way than just some “gay hockey show” about naked men.