Bloons TD 6 is free on Epic

Are you really sure you want me to recount the news lately? Because we’d be here for a long while if that were the case. If it wasn’t apparent by the line in last week’s review of Ugly Betty, “All the while, Mode’s January issue is what all publications do in January (even us), fart out anything with filler until something is interesting to cover.” So, aside from talking about going to watch Rocky Horror and there being a reference about a nonce formerly known as a Prince, let’s talk some waffle about the Epic Games Store and what is available this week.

Bloons TD 6… again. I honestly still don’t understand what this thing is, despite having to cover it so many bloody times. The best I can make sense of Ninja Kiwi’s 2022 release is that it is a cheap tower defense game for psychopaths who think optimizing gameplay down to the nanosecond is fun. Listen, I’m sure there is an Excel spreadsheet for you to burst over. However, I need more exciting material, like your dad in a thong. Look, if you’ve been around long enough while I’ve covered Epic, you either know about Bloons TD 6 or you own it. Why would I need to resell it to you?

Conversely, the free game on mobile this week is something called Bouncemasters. Which, if I’m polite, is a budget Angry Birds where you try to make Penguins bounce instead of knock over towers. Indeed, I’m already bored by that idea too.

All this week, you can pick up Bloons TD 6 on PC and Bouncemasters on mobile for Android worldwide and iOS in the EU, until January 15th. Next week isn’t much better, as it is Cyanide Studio’s Styx: Master of Shadows and Styx: Shards of Darkness. Both are high-fantasy stealth adventure games that are very much in that weird “Euro-jank” sphere I often compliment for interesting ideas. We’ll see what kind of mood I’m in next week – easily better than whatever this week is.