Cat Quest II is free on Epic

Monday, cop ’em up The Precinct is set to release in May, hopefully. Tuesday, the second coming of Christ happened, but was quickly beaten to death with sticks by people who misunderstood Christianity and called him things they’d heard on the 24-hour news cycles, and Agent J and Agent K had to wipe the minds of everyone who wasn’t wearing their tinfoil hat (April Fools was Tuesday). Wednesday, Nintendo announced two Treehouse events to shill a console without Animal Crossing yet, Neopets is still a thing (apparently), and Atomfall surpassed a lot of players. Thursday, Nintendo revealed the price of a console with no Animal Crossing, and there is a new RuneScape game.

Do I really need to talk about the Epic Games Store? The one game available this week is Cat Quest II, the sequel to Cat Quest, unsurprisingly. Released in 2019, The Gentlebros and PQube’s Cat Quest II: The Lupus Empire tells a middle-of-the-road fantasy plot of kingdoms and evil corruption, all with puns so strong you’ll be wishing for “the Apawcalypse.” Don’t worry, I hate myself too you don’t have to be shy about it. It is a fine game that’s only a few hours long, but it gets a bit repetitive in its 7-ish hour-long runtime.

Onto the mobile tripe to try and force you into downloading Epic’s mobile app that you can’t download through conventional means. I think I’d rather chew on bricks. Doodle Kingdom: Medieval is a medieval version of JoyBits’ Doodle series, a series of typical cheap mobile games that are about as enticing as a deep inhale of someone’s farts. However, some people would give good money to do that and they’d like the taste.

All this week, you can pick up Cat Quest II on the Epic Games Store for PC and Doodle Kingdom: Medieval for the Android and iOS Epic Games app until the 10th of April. I would almost say “Thankfully” we’re back to normal service next week. Sadly, it’s another one of those weeks with Idle Champions guff and another multiplayer-focused thing that’s currently saying “Jump into Arcadegeddon today and get 5,000 Arcoins,” but it’s a game that’s currently not available on Epic. I guess the only thing to look forward to is River City Girls.