At least this isn’t in the UK, or we’d be talking about the pornography police checking IDs. Directed by Paul Lazarus, this was Lazarus’ only outing after and before directing some dreck: Friends, Baywatch, Murder, She Wrote, and Pretty Little Liars. However, Lazarus would also go on to direct three episodes of Better Off Ted. “Petra-Gate” is also the first Ugly Betty outing for then husband-wife duo Gabrielle G. Stanton and Harry Werksman, the pair writing that “meh” episode of DS9, “The Reckoning,” and later as story editors on Farscape’s second season. Since splitting, Stanton continued to write for Arrow, The Summer I Turned Pretty, and more.

No dutiful little gays to the rescue of tabloid “journalism,” just a very simple case of an angry little woman being angry at her Casanova of a boss. So after Daniel man-whored himself into bed with a young woman (emphasis on young) he tried getting help from Betty even though he just told her that her day ends at 17:00. In fact, angry Betty is mad at everyone: The sun, the air, she’s maybe even shy and criminally vulgar, but most importantly angry at Daniel, Christina, and her “big”-little sister sneaking in through Betty’s bedroom window. It isn’t high school, Hilda. You’re likely to break or hurt something in your late 20s or early 30s, doing that.

Forced out of bed and back to work by Hilda, Betty very much does “not my circus, not my monkeys,” “it’s not the job’s worth,” and “work to the wage, not the job description” mantra in her head. A mantra that I’m sure Wilhelmina wishes she could chant as the whale of a man that is Bradford uses a little blue pill to get his little sex addiction off to a good start with his new mistress. Oh, how classy! If that wasn’t enough, a new “gay” Black fashion designer shows up to present for Wilhelmina, only for Amanda to turn into his beard with benefits.

If “Punch Out” was only the setup to serve a master, this right here in “Petra-Gate” is that master. As I said before, the young woman that Daniel was trying (and succeeding) to sleep with was a little too young for a man of his age, though I hear you can still be president (but not prince) if you sleep with women underage. So you know, he’s got an option of careers, which he might have thought was a good option, but his sister doesn’t.

While Bradford is getting his rocks off inside Wilhelmina, and she hopes to cause marital strife, a changing of the will, and maybe a drug-fueled sex heart attack, Bradford wants something else. He wants to buy Alexis out, maintain Daniel as EIC, and have her disappear again, this time forever. When he said that he would rather that Alexis was dead than be a woman, he really meant it, and he’ll do more than just offer ten million dollars – and yes, I did say that in a camp way, shut up!

“Petra-Gate” does what I’ve said a lot of Ugly Betty does and does reasonably well. You could argue that there are so many stories that you don’t get time to breathe, and I could see that as the pacing throughout is rather quick. However, it also doesn’t let more difficult stories sit too long in an awkward period. I’ll be honest and say that “Petra-gate” is remembered for maybe two things, neither of which is Amanda being a fake gay’s beard or Hilda acting like a teenager again.

With the help of Henry, Daniel tries to buy off Petra’s blackmail attempt with $75,000. Come on, son, at least your old man is offering real, proper money to buy someone out. It won’t work. Alexis would rather see out the drug-fueled sex heart attack than give him the satisfaction, and Petra has a matriarch cracking the whip behind her. However, aside from Betty for obvious reasons, those two are the most memorable bits. Quickly followed by Alexis’ Brazilian lover-boy.

An odd couple through and through, both Daniel and Henry, as well as Alexis and Cristián de la Fuente’s Rodrigo. Both find comfort in the other’s ear over their troubles, though in terms of the Alexis storyline, she’s the one talking, and Rodrigo just listens because he’s one of those one-off appearances. I say one-off, the blow-off episode to this storyline is next episode – so, we might talk more about it there. Meanwhile, Henry hangs around Daniel like a limpet up a Wale’s backside for the money and a little bit for Betty, while Daniel admits to the trouble he’s in with the young woman.

Cue Betty having a heart-warmingly fun, camp yet very 2000s tragic story about being the “loser,” going back into the office with her head held high to prove something, Daniel admitting what he did, and everyone practically aligning with him to cover it up. See, this is where I think the very 2000s nature of Ugly Betty falters. You have Daniel in his office admitting to Henry that he possibly slept with an underage woman because he was drunk and she was all over him like a rash, so he didn’t ask her age. You have Henry, the closest thing you’ll get to literal Superman, saying it needs to be covered up.

Those who know the ending know how the episode does its usual twists on these stories, but all the same, looking back at it now. Hell! Looking at it then, it should have been concerning when looking at these other characters saying to cover it up. I say it a lot now, but to quote the fourth episode of Ted Lasso, “Being accountable matters, Jamie.” Despite early moments showing Daniel wanted to cover it up, he comes to the realization to be accountable, but is stopped by sweet little Henry and anyone he admits it to.

Call me “woke,” or whatever you want. I just think it is a story that doesn’t work, mostly because you are happy to enable sexual offenses like that to happen, no matter what, simply because the guy is rich, White, and powerful. Either way, Betty buys Daniel his bagel, sees Petra buying cigarettes on the street, and focuses on punching out at 17:00 as well as her relationship with Christina. There really is a lot going on that is too much to always recap in detail.

We haven’t spoken about Ignacio giving Santos a talk, Santos proposing, Ignacio’s immigration paperwork, why Tavares is gay around the gays but gets a stonk-on for Amanda, and of course, Christina trying to tell Betty about the Wilhelmina bribe thing. Oh, and the fact that Wilhelmina is trying to shag the old man to death, or near enough. I say it a lot, but Ugly Betty doesn’t let up enough to let those more serious, sleeping with a “sixteen-year-old,” storylines have their full weight, and people will look past it because we’re supposed to like Daniel.

Can you say “Petra-gate” is a great episode? No, far from it. Could you say it is a good episode that sets up for the final few outings of the season? Yeah, it reconciles Betty with Daniel once the obvious things are realized. We get the storyline of Wilhelmina setting herself up for Bradford’s will, we get Alexis finding someone to sleep with and possibly run away with to Brazil, and to round that out, Ignacio needs to go back to Guadalajara.

“Petra-Gate” is certainly an episode that builds, and there is one thing that pays off. However, the focus is once again on the family dramas: Betty’s relationship with work, Ignacio’s relationship with his legal status, Daniel’s relationship with someone who has a legal ID, Bradford’s relationships with vindictive women, and Alexis’ relationship with being loved while also being trans. It is progress, but the question is when it comes together, or if that will be the end of it.

Ultimately, “Petra-Gate” stands as one of those episodes that didn’t sit too well with me in the first place when I first watched it, and it still doesn’t sit too well with me now. Be it Daniel’s storyline or the character writing of those around him, it puts a really sour note on the show overall. Moreover, how we got here didn’t feel too great either; the club scene last time really slowed the pace down overall. Though for all I can bemoan this one for horrible storylines, it is still no “Swag.”

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Ugly Betty “Petra-Gate”

5

Score

5.0/10

Pros

• Alexis' conviction in hoping Bradford drops dead.
• Amanda being a beard to a new "Gay."
• We all love a tragic proposal.
• "God, I hate this house, I'm so out of here when I'm 40!"

Cons

• Daniel's enablers when he should be taking accountability.