It seems the only fool this April is me, and maybe Steve Clark for thinking Gunn and Kelly were good options. I’ve given up caring what we’re calling this anymore, but if you want to suffer from cloud gaming this month, it is an odd mix: EA Sports FC 26, A Game about Digging a Hole, WRC Generations Fully Loaded Edition, Smurfs Kart, Letter Trek, Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling, and A little Golf Journey are available now, with Jackbox Party Pack 2 available from the 23rd via Luna (cloud game portion). Shall we get to the games available via Luna (the other thing this time) with your Prime subscription?
Available through GOG right now, you can pick up XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Pack. Released in 2012, this was the soft reboot of the XCOM (or previously X-COM) series, more than 10 years after the previous release and breathing a new, modern bit of life into the series, which I’d argue still holds up 14 years later. That long ago? It feels like yesterday. From melting base management and tactical strategy together, to eating up all my spare time, I do like XCOM: Enemy Unknown, and this offer includes the suspiciously highly praised DLCs “Slingshot Pack” and “Elite Soldier Pack.”

If you think that’s the end of the good things, you might be wrong. Also available now, and this time for the Epic Games Store, you can pick up Total War: PHARAOH DYNASTIES. Released in what I was about to say is last year, but was 2024, Total War: PHARAOH got a re-done “sexy and what you wanted” edition of the 2023 release that is supposed to be bigger, better, harder, stronger, and faster. Or whatever Daft Punk said that one time. Though, as I said with ATTILA recently, PHARAOH DYNASTIES and CREATIVE ASSEMBLY will be chasing ROME.

See, now it goes downhill, because I guess keeping up decent offerings is difficult without a little blue pill. Available from the 9th through GOG, you can pick up King of Retail, a management/business simulator doing that Supermarket Simulator thing without the polish, better graphical style, or overall presentation. I want to be positive. Several reviews rate it highly, but I think we’ve seen better examples of this same thing with better presentation and gameplay overall.

Releasing today and available next Thursday, the 9th, you can pick up A Rat’s Quest: The Way Back Home through the Epic Games Store. Yeah, this was the first I’d heard of it too, but apparently, this is a “platformer” about a rat discontented with a lonely life in a cellar as he seeks to be with a pet mouse. What confuses me is that sometimes it is also given “season 1” in the title, despite being a single-player game and priced at $19.99. Your guess is as good as mine at this point.
If I threw myself off a bridge, I’d be happy that I don’t need to talk about Orangepixel’s games anymore. Available from the 16th of April for GOG, you can pick up Orangepixel’s top-down shooter/auto battler Snake Core. Released in 2020, you’d think this one would have had more than 9 reviews on Steam, with 4 of them being negative. Much like the previous Orangepixel offering of strategic dungeon crawlers with Sir Questionnaire, Snake Core tries to reinvent Snake, but somehow less interesting. Better luck next month Orangepixel.

Remember when everyone was fighting over whether Palworld was just stealing Pokémon‘s IP? Let’s see how the description on this one goes down. Available from the 16th and offered for the Epic Games Store, 2021’s Monster Harvest is a farming sim, RPG, and Creature Collector with pixel graphics. If you have a picture of Harvest Moon with Pokémon in mind, you aren’t too far off the actual look of Monster Harvest. In fact, you might have gotten that from the title alone, for good or bad. A bit mixed in the review department, seems fine if you want its particular blend of the two ideas.

I take it back, I’ll jump off that bridge now. I don’t even have to explain this one if you’ve been around long enough, it is of course the Legacy Games offering for the 16th, and it is not a very interesting one. None of these hidden object games are particularly interesting anyway. You’ll be able to avoid Avi Games’ 2022 release, Detective Agency: Gray Tie Collector’s Edition. Now find me that bridge so I can either smack the water or concrete below at a velocity known as “floor pizza.”

Back to the GOG offerings for the 23rd again, and we’ll start with Neo Cab. Released in 2019, Chance Agency’s game is another one of those visual novel type games where you do a job and have conversations as the main source of gameplay. Think Coffee Talk, but in reality you have to clean up some alcoholic’s left-behind carrot chunks in an oatmeal and maggot soup. A bit magenta shaded, you do get a few colorful characters in the back of your fake taxi.

Also available from the 23rd for GOG we’ve got The Pale Beyond. This is actually one I’m supposed to have a review on but I am busier than Kristi Noem’s husband on the corner, and this survival resource management game does kind of sell itself on the simple idea that you want a more personable Frostpunk on a ship. Pretty art, nice idea, and plenty of positive reviews, you’d be a fool to pass this one up.

From nice art styles and interesting games to a 2D side-scrolling action thing about one of those internet memes where you superimpose a cat’s head on a muscular man’s body. Available from the 30th for the Epic Games Store, you can pick up KinnikuNeko: SUPER MUSCLE CAT. Do I need to explain more than the cat head on a muscular man’s body? The alien woman with large breasts, the typically anime art, the rhythm gameplay in at least one section, perhaps? Released in 2024, it is for someone, but I don’t know it is for me.

This month has been rather devoid of 80s/90s fantasy nonsense, oh right, I spoke too soon. Available for GOG on the 30th and beyond, you can pick up Fantasy General which was heavily praised in 1996, but currently it is 2026. I love an older game, occasionally, but there is a reason rights holder Slitherine Ltd produced a sequal more inline with modern 4X titles that is recieved reasonably well. If you want to clear off the dust with a shovel and play the 1996 release, go ahead, but you’ll quickly get put off by its age.

The final game, also available for GOG and from the 30th, you can pick up Apparition Games’ 2024 release, Pinball Spire. See Orangepixel, this is how you change up an idea while being interesting. Pinball Spire is a pinball come action adventure game to create a “pinballvania adventure,” which I think just made my editor fill his shorts. What more needs to be said here too? We’ve hit the final evelution of games, action-adventure pinball.

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Keiran McEwen