A sad pussy, Amanda is a drug and sex addict, Bradford disavows his daughter, Wilhelmina is scheming again, and Marc kisses Betty. Have I missed anything? Oh, and it’s the episode with Patti LuPone. Directed by Tricia Brock, this is only Brock’s second of three outings, previously doing the fantastic “Fey’s Sleigh Ride.” Brock would also go on to direct “Gray Matter” from Breaking Bad, “The Norwegians” from Pushing Daisies, and, most recently, 4 episodes of Bridgerton. The writing credits are a bit odd, with Marco Pennette and Sarah Kucserka working together, with Veronica West (née Becker) working separately on the episode. At least according to the WGA’s guidelines.

So yeah, Marc is gayer than a rainbow made of gay pornography, and his actual name is Marcus Weiner. That’s like Joanne calling an Irish lesbian Lipsy ‘O Lickity, which I wouldn’t put it past her. Though speaking of older women who are blatantly dumbfounded by that new country called LGBTQ, Jean Weiner (played by the wonderful Pattie LuPone) has come to town with her show-winning pussy, and she doesn’t know her son is a fan of the musical Cats but would rather it were a Weiner Party. I’m going to get messages from my editor for the innuendo, I know it.

With that completely harmless story established, Bradford has been released from prison so he can dead-name and disavow Alexis for going through with her desire to transition. I would say we’re starting the spin into questionable remarks, but they’ve always been there, and it would be unrealistic otherwise. Though Alexis wants nothing to do with the company now that Daddy is Charles in Charge, Mother Dearest has other plans, as it is revealed that Bradford owns Meade Publications, but Claire owns Mode. With mother detoxing before she is locked up, she installs Alexis and Daniel as co-Editor-in-Chiefs with Wilhelmina staying on as Creative Director.

When I say that Marc is gayer than a rainbow flag pole, I mean it: His suggestion for this fake girlfriend business was the plot of She’s All That, minus the Anne Hathaway moment. Flattering himself with the Freddie Prinze Jr comparison, I know. Though part of him wanted to come out to his mother after telling Mrs Weiner that Amanda became a drug-addicted sex pest who can’t keep a needle or another person out of her, you know, the type of things every gay man’s beard does. As a result, Amanda tries to embarrass Marc by introducing Betty as Marc’s new lover.

It is one of those episodes where we’re kind of verging on offensive and questionable moments, all to explode with a big beat towards the end. So, with Claire offering herself up to the fuzz last time out, Bradford comes home and is hell-bent on making Alexis’ life a bit of a living hell while he still can. Sitting alone in the office that she took over for hours, waiting for her, and then once again making it absolutely clear that his “son” is dead to him. Yay, trans-trauma, it is such a light and happy episode, isn’t it? I get it, to not have this sort of thing in some way, especially for 2007, it wouldn’t be right.

“Oh, but gay people can marry now, and trans people are still a thing,” yeah, now, but suicide hotlines are being shut down, more and more laws are restricting the decisions of a grown person, and there are questions against gay marriage in 2026. Tell me again how 2007 was meant to be, on the whole, even nicer to LGBTQ+IA people than right now. I’ll wait. Right now, there are people being dead-named, misgendered, shunned from “inclusive” spaces, and parents throwing their actual kids out onto the street for coming out, and you expect a 64-year-old millionaire in 2007 not to be “set in his ways?”

Maybe I’ve got hang-ups from both seeing that trauma and hearing a very small number of people bemoan Alexis’ story for having this trauma, where she does note her “past life.” Later on in the series, absolutely, there is a bit too much of that, but there are bits of me that just want to headbutt someone over this level of trauma pushed upon others. Nonetheless, I think the gay and trans trauma is important to highlight, because that’s also what Marc is dealing with.

It is sort of subtle (I know, for this show?) where Daniel has been slightly more accepting of Alexis while Bradford was in prison, using “Alex” more as a shortening of the name than an active stab at her. Yet it is after the meeting between Claire, Bradford, and Daniel in the hospital, where Claire reveals the tax shelter thing, that Daniel reverts to calling Alexis “he,” yet Betty says not even a second later, “she.” It is showing a bit of how each person around Alexis is accepting and who is following the lead of others. With Claire around, Daniel was nice, but with Bradford, it is anger and bitterness again.

So with Betty playing Marc’s beard while Mrs Weiner is in town, the two have to get “close.” i.e., fake the background of why they are supposedly sleeping together and Marc calls Ignacio “Papi,” which is madness in itself until you hear what he thinks is straight people like: His favorite musical is High School Musical (aired on ABC, of course it is), his favorite boy band is NSYNC, and he has a place where he gets a spray tan. Honey, the straighter you pretend to be, the gayer you are – and that’s hardly a compliment.

It is obvious where this is going, and it is not going to be easy or fun watching for anyone, but again, it is important to showcase it. Marc could easily do the beard thing with Amanda, but with Betty, he’s not only flippant, but he’s also typical catty Marc, who will say the offensive thing when it comes down to it. Cue Henry to walk in as the two are doing flashcards to give background, with Betty getting all of Marc’s right and Henry getting all of Betty’s spot on – Marc does not. It is sad, it is horrible, it is somewhat cruel, and it shows we’re still on that Henry train.

I won’t go on my rant again about how Henry shouldn’t be the end goal of Betty’s desires, but yeah, it is still a thing. In fact, with Betty, there is a crossover between the two main plots of Alexis scheming to make the latest issue about her behind Daniel’s back and Betty taking Marc home for dinner. The only way Betty got convinced into being Marc’s beard is to get scheming info from Marc, but at dinner, Justin kind of messes that up. Turns out Daniel is Betty’s ex, who has come over with an orange envelope.

With Daniel and Alexis at loggerheads, Betty suggests that Daniel write something from the heart. A piece to go alongside his sister’s EIC letter in the issue that Daniel had been planning to print. Now listen, brother, if you think 400 words is difficult to write, maybe you need to take a week off and figure out what you’re doing, because it turns out Daniel’s previous letters have been done by someone else. This time, though, “He ain’t heavy, she’s my brother” is Daniel’s way of trying to express why he loves Alexis despite not really understanding why she’s transitioned. Again, it is messy, but true.

Shall we talk about that scene, though? So Betty, the family, as well as Marc and Jean, have dinner, and it becomes a palaver: Justin marches in with a “free Claire [Meade]” t-shirt, Hilda explains the condom broke, Buttons (the pussy cat) runs out the back door, and Ignacio runs to catch her, but his house arrest bracelet goes off. By the way, crazy Miss Constance put Papi under house arrest last time. Yeah, Jean Weiner has an attitude towards this, obviously, not liking the gay son that idolizes a murderer, the dad that’s an “illegal,” the sister who didn’t get married, and Betty running away with her “ex.”

It all explodes in that foyer area of the house where Jean finally voices her displeasure with “these people” and particularly when describing Justin as “That” and as a “Swishy” little boy. The way Patti LuPone plays Jean is perfect, she’s just so hateable in that moment because you want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. She is absolutely despicable. Only made worse when Marc says, “Swishy! Swishy? You want to talk about Swishy? Open your eyes, Mom, and look at your own swishy son.” Michael Urie falls away at that point, and all I’m seeing is Marc St James.

“If you want to get to know me, it has to be the real me,” only for Jean to outright say, “I have no interest in knowing the real you.” If you heard that, that was the sound of every gay teenager who watched Ugly Betty sobbing and every gay adult feeling heartbroken for the teens who go through that. I said early on that Marc and Amanda are so horrible to Betty and everyone, but eventually, you get moments like this. You get Patti LuPone stone-faced and bitter delivering those harsh lines, and you feel for Marc.

Ugly Betty, particularly Silvio Horta, and its writers don’t let you relax into hating everyone that’s a villain… Aside from maybe Bradford. We saw it in “Fey’s Sleigh Ride,” and we’re seeing it here in “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” but even people like Marc are having that change we saw with Daniel after “Pilot.” That final scene with Marc and Betty on the steps outside her house doesn’t reset the relationship with Marc just being horrible, but it doesn’t remove him being nice either. Despite everything he’s done to Betty, when Marc tells her that he was outed, she’s still willing to protect him.

Remember last time out when I said the show isn’t called “Ugly Betty” because she isn’t conventionally attractive right now; this is what I mean. It isn’t Betty that’s “Ugly,” that’s how the world superficially looks at her and judges, but she’s the kindest, sweetest, and most beautiful one of them all. Despite the episode having its hard moments, it is a heart-warming episode in the end.

Ultimately, as I try to hold back a few tears watching some of these scenes back, over and over, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a fabulous episode that I truly love. Yeah, the transphobia section is a little heavy-handed, and I get that it can be difficult for a number of reasons, but to get through to people in 2007, it was kind of “needed.” There is almost nothing I’d change, from a directorial or writing aspect. I could do without the Henry thing being clanged over my head, but that’s because I know it couldn’t work from a writing perspective – I don’t want to say it is time wasted, but it is something.

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Ugly Betty "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

9.5

Score

9.5/10

Pros

• The subtleties of some of the writing.
• Daniel's letter.
• Patti LuPone.
• Those scenes with Marc.

Cons

• More of Henry being perfect.