I can say one thing with absolute certainty. Don’t Stop, Girlypop! isn’t something to play while sick and feeling a bit dizzy. To call Funny Fintan Softworks’ glitter-covered FPS maximalist would be an understatement, going for the most 90s-to-early-2000s aesthetic possible in quite literally every regard. Dyed clear shell electronics, high-speed FPS gameplay (to an extent), and a sci-fi storyline that wouldn’t work anywhere else. Next, you’ll tell me there is war in the Middle East, Scrubs is on TV, and everyone thinks they have the worst politicians they’ll ever have in history. Indeed, The Simpsons meme, worst so far.

In Don’t Stop, Girlypop! you play as Imber, one of the fairies from a far-off planet of bright pinks and seashell colors. Imber’s mission is to protect her planet, Xyzanthynum, and people from the invasion of a mega corporation, Tigris Nix, that has set up a massive mining operation on her home world. Something tells me Millennials and Gen Z despise hyper-capitalism. With about enough story to establish a long-standing hatred between the main antagonist and Imber, you’d think that’s all you really need, but Funny Fintan Softworks just keeps going at a snail’s pace to add to it.

To say the inspiration for Don’t Stop, Girlypop! might just include the likes of Doom (1993) and Quake (1996) is another understatement on my part, as they are practically the beginning and end of the inspiration. From story to design, everything has a rough, raw feeling we don’t entirely see with shooters too much in the modern day. Enemies are mostly made up of thin, almost insect-like limbs – honestly, they look like the Zooks from CBBC’s Bamzooki. Basically, the most 2000s primitive computer 3D bugs and crustaceans (mostly spiders and crabs) in Robot Wars-like fights.

Yet for all this nostalgia and basic look, there is something Don’t Stop, Girlypop! gets right once you understand it. Outside of Formula 1 racing games for the PS1, Doom and Quake are about the fastest games you’ll see from that era, and that’s something Funny Fintan Softworks brings with that early arena shooter flair. Or as we’re supposed to call them now, “boomer shooters,” although it is Millennials who have the nostalgia for them. Running, jumping, bouncing, wall running, grapple hooking, and shooting are the core of Don’t Stop, Girlypop!, so why doesn’t it all feel so great all the time?

“I thought you just said it got something right?” Yes, Don’t Stop, Girlypop! gets speed right, but how to get there isn’t so fun all the time. You see, Don’t Stop, Girlypop! (eventually I’ll stop repeating it) is a high-speed shooter with all the pieces there in small levels to supposedly, on average, take about 4-12 minutes to complete, and between every level, the antagonist, Auctus, gives you a monologue about how he’ll kill you. Then you start the level standing still and on the phone to another fairy (I presume) who is directing you throughout.

So what is the problem? Speed is based on momentum of some kind, and though you have a dash, that’s only one way to build up the momentum. The best way to be like Sonic is to jump (space bar), “Slide Slam” (Ctrl), and dash (Shift), at which point I start hooting like Daffy Duck that one time and pretend I’m untouchable. Bouncing through levels and shooting anything that moves seems to be the objective, and if not, I’m doing it all wrong. The trouble is having to build up that momentum every time the game stops to introduce a new mechanic, a new level, or a boss battle.

Something that Don’t Stop, Girlypop! does a lot is try to tell you the plight of the fairies, how the big-bad is going to kill Imber, and generally introduce things like a machine gun or gravity gun wand. Now, I know it isn’t good form to draw comparisons between small studios vs big studios and their individual projects, but Doom (2016) has probably the best way of telling its story. In the first level, you have the Doom Marine wake up and shove that screen out of his face, then he punches a screen moments later for talking too much.

It isn’t that Don’t Stop, Girlypop!’s story should not be told; there are plenty of anti-capitalist narratives being told right now for good reason, but it is the way that it becomes a focal point, slowing the pace. The true trouble is that it isn’t saying anything that hasn’t been said before. It isn’t saying anything new or deep. My summation practically covers all it wants to and has to say on the matter. Mega corporations need to stop invading spaces to take resources, like Tigris Nix’s Love, for the sake of profit.

Match that with other minor annoyances, and it isn’t exactly clear that everyone will either love or hate Don’t Stop, Girlypop! The worst thing that can be said about a game is a lack of emotion towards it. I love the style and flair it brings in bundles to the genre, often characterized by pixel art, dark colors, and gore, but here it is bright colors, eye-catching visuals, and a light, breezy laissez-faire attitude to the genre. Yet beyond that? I’m left wanting in portions.

Gunplay, for example, is lacking that snap and bite you really want. It is my opinion that a good gun in a game is something that would scare you in real life – it needs to be big, loud, and explosive. If it isn’t loud, then it needs to cause some sort of reaction on screen. Here? If I didn’t have to left-click, I’d have assumed someone turned on the bubble machine on the other side of the room.

This is as much a criticism of the sound design as it is of the actual design and play of the guns. Throughout levels, you have bubblegum pop music from Sarah Wolfe, Xavier Dunn, and Candice Susnjar playing rather than pulse-pounding metal, of course, but even that, when turned down, is more prevalent in the mix. Even with the overall volume turned up. Not to mention the phone calls to introduce levels or new weapons, or the general sound from the levels themselves. For a shooter, the guns have a lack of presence in my mind.

I genuinely love and adore the aesthetic that Don’t Stop, Girlypop! is going for and often gets right, with the odd texture looking iffy and other minor oddities. The problem, more or less, is the type of thing a first game from a studio is going to have: Instead of basic enemies throughout arenas visually standing out, there are markers across the top of the screen to tell you their direction, and hearts over the top of them, almost like a lock-on.

It is a complex solution to a simpler problem, and I’d argue that’s true of a few things. There is a dyslexic friendly font, which I’m never going to complain about, but you also have multiple paragraphs pasted to the left of the screen when a new mechanic or item is introduced. You could make the text luminescent yellow and paint it on someone’s genitals. I’m a little bit busy trying to shoot the thing that’s shooting me right now! The problems, more or less, are things you learn by stepping back or with experience after multiple releases.

For all the faults I could pick Don’t Stop, Girlypop! apart for, it is still enjoyable as a shooter that’s only a couple of hours long. I bemoan the speed thing, but it is something you learn over time and find the balance for with the platforming sections. The gun sound thing is quite literally just Black sitting at the back of my head like an old man, smoking a cigar and playing with knives. Yet for all of that, the aesthetic is flawless.

Ultimately, Don’t Stop, Girlypop! is one of those indie “boomer” shooters that’s going to have its fans and its going to have its detractors, while I’m sat between them seeing both points. It is a studio’s first game in every regard, and it comes with those flaws but also that level of ambition no one else really has. I can say it until I am genuinely blue in the face, Funny Fintan Softworks had a style in mind and absolutely nailed it to the T. It is just some execution in places where I have problems.

A PC review copy of Don’t Stop, Girlypop! was provided by Kwalee for this review.

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Don't Stop, Girlypop!

$19.99

6.5

Score

6.5/10

Pros

• High-speed FPS gameplay, kind of.
• Bubblegum pop soundtrack.
• Y2K maximalism.
• Dyed clear shell electronics.

Cons

• Gunplay is a bit poo - very quiet.
• Some of that platforming.
• Slow pace due to the heavy focus on a superficial story.