7 episodes of Christmas, that’s just something I know. Directed by producer James Hayman, this is the third of eight Ugly Betty episodes. While writing team Veronica West (Becker) and Sarah Kacserka, the two are probably best known for being the showrunners of 2020’s High Fidelity, as well as West showrunning Surface. Meanwhile, Kacserka is one of three showrunners of the 26-episode show The Summer I turned Pretty; Doctor Who needed three showrunners for 180 episodes over 20 years, but three showrunners in less than 30 episodes? What twaddle.

With Betty not dreaming of a white Christmas but rather a Henry one, she’s a little freaked out that she’s thinking of a man other than Walter. Good Riddance, really. Meanwhile, Daniel confesses his infatuation for Sofia, even stopping off at a jeweler’s before getting into work to pick up a few rings. The two of them have been sleeping together for about three weeks at this point, and Daniel thinks that’s good enough for marriage and starting a family. When does he think he’ll die of old age, 38? With those two stories, we’ve established the theme of this week’s episode, mostly to the tune of a cheap Mode Christmas party.

As Betty organizes the high-fashion party on nothing but $500, she’s also taken to Walter’s office Christmas party, where she’s told by Queens’ answer to Cruella de Vil, that “Girls like us belong here [in Queens].” Don’t get me started on Walter again, I’ll kill him. All the while, Marc is teasing and testing the waters on his new partnership with Wilhelmina, ramping up the devilish campness of the episode once again. With the mystery woman and Wilhelmina plotting to “shut him up.” Oh, and Betty needs to find her own replacement, and Papi is home but is getting a social worker on his case.

I’ll be honest and say that I don’t love “Fake Plastic Snow” as much as I know I probably did when I was younger. I’ve said it before, the “You’re a Queens girl, Betty, stop sticking your head in the clouds” thing just doesn’t work for me. That crystal ball, self-determined destiny nonsense, the power of thought thing isn’t what I’m on, it’s just that pulling someone down because you never had ambition business feels “icky.” Not only does it feel like it is pulling the show away from its more ambitious moments, but it feels horrible to do anyway.

Thrust into the main theme of this week, Betty has to spend time with Henry after her dream of kissing him, which is fine American TV antics. I don’t love it nor hate it, it just feels like a thing that happens for the sake of injecting a bit of drama, or in this case, building to it. I’m not trying to bash Kacserka and West, but it feels like either this or the Sofia storyline was pitched and the other is forced in to make the episode work as a theme. The Betty and Henry story feels more shoehorned in (here), probably because it takes up so much of the runtime.

Putting the stories in order, I’d probably say Betty’s interest in Henry over Walter is the A-plot, Betty finding a replacement and Amanda forcing her way in is the B-plot, Wilhelmina’s scheming is the C-plot, Daniel’s loyalty to Sofia is possibly the D-plot, The Skank Next Door annoying Hilda is the E-plot, and then it is a toss up on Bradford’s discovery and Ignacio’s immigration status. Again, there is a lot going on. The moving pieces make Ugly Betty feel frantic, but keep it from settling into too much of one thing.

For Amanda and Betty, it is funny and emotional, for Marc it is mysterious and scary, and for Daniel it is most straight men’s wet dreams. Supposedly, you never know with men these days; they say they want women, then suddenly demonize them for simply existing. The point I’m trying to get to is that the episode, “Fake Plastic Snow,” feels all over the place. It is doing a lot of things at once and has a theme, but it doesn’t feel as pointed as we had with “Lose the Boss.”

We’re not progressing the mysteries, we’re not doing too much with Daniel’s relationship beyond three or four scenes, and what we’re doing with Betty spins wheels for its next chapter. You know what it feels like, it feels like one of those crap Doctor Who Christmas specials. The type of thing you watch when you’ve eaten far too much, feel ill, and possibly fall asleep halfway through. Something, for the most part, that’s inconsequential but does its best to show something.

Betty’s love interest storyline ends with her sitting with Walter at the end of the night, after she’s decided Amanda is her replacement. The only thing that’s changed is that Walter says he is trying to accept that Betty has bigger dreams than being a homemaker in Queens, to the store manager of a knock-off Best Buy. Last time out, we went from Betty working for Daniel to being offered the job with Sofia, Ignacio was kidnapped by ICE, and Daniel accepted that he’s had a messed-up family. We knew Betty and Henry had chemistry a couple of episodes ago.

I don’t think I cared too much for “Fake Plastic Snow” when I was younger either, but now, looking at it critically and from other, more mature perspectives, it does very little. It’s not padding, not the way anime pads itself out for no good reason, but it is that American TV idea of padding. The type of padding of “we’ve got a 23-episode season, we need to inch the story forward without giving too much away.” As an episode, “Fake Plastic Snow” isn’t hateable, but it isn’t loveable either.

There is an odd line here or there, that’s now funny or interesting: Amanda tells Betty about finding white Christmas trees “Left over from Diddy’s Party.” Another great example is Christina giving the handsy Santa a quicky in the office bathrooms, because of course, she was the one to do that. Though probably the best bit of “Fake Plastic Snow” is Daniel’s scene with Betty when she tells him about her replacement, showing the vulnerability and heart of his character, versus 10 episodes ago. By the end, about 6 hours of TV ago.

Ultimately, “Fake Plastic Snow” is like plastic snow itself. From afar, it looks and feels like a normal Ugly Betty episode, but touching, feeling it, and watching it, it doesn’t make you feel anything. Its best moment is a moment we’ve been building to for 10 episodes, and even then, it only works so much as a moment for the show, not you as a viewer. Especially when next time out it is “Swag.”

Phenixx Gaming is everywhere you are. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Also, if you’d like to join the Phenixx Gaming team, check out our recruitment article for details on working with us.

Phenixx Gaming is proud to be a Humble Partner! Purchases made through our affiliate links support our writers and charity!

Ugly Betty “Fake Plastic Snow”

7

Score

7.0/10

Pros

• A few fun lines.
• Daniel's vulnerable moment.

Cons

• Not very much of an episode; a lot of padding.
• Can we hurry up and get Walter out?