Yeah, I’ve heard of “a people with eternal life”; it was probably the biggest waste of $235 million for an Angelina Jolie film this side of Maleficent. Directed by Andi Armaganian, she previously worked on “Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach,” as well as 2 episodes of Discovery, 9 episodes of Stargirl, and some other Arrowverse work. Returning from “Shuttle of Kenfori” one last time, Onitra Johnson co-writes with “Hegemony, Part II” writer, Davy Perez. Perez is mostly known for writing and editing Supernatural.

With Lucky Charms here still kicking around and Spock being attracted to women with tragic backstories, we are about to have a 50-50 chance of a good episode, in my estimation. Finally, Korby’s point in the plot has come to be, with the little fella getting his Time Team on by digging up space rocks to unveil a puzzle from Jonathan Suck-and-Blow’s The Witness. I have a feeling this will be a fun one to recap. We don’t start with any of the main cast, though, instead focusing on Ensign Gamble. Any statement that says I had to look up his name is spurious lies and slander!

Nonetheless, the plucky little sod jumps for joy he’s getting to go on an away mission, that’s until he finds the bodies – at which point he’s (what’s the polite thing here?) childish. I mean, we’re talking about someone who’s worked in medicine on a Starfleet ship for several months and presumably gone through lots of medical training before this, and he’s skittish at a decaying body? Son, I have a Detroit Red Wings fan who would like to call you several misgendering names, whistle very loudly at you, and has the most heartbreaking episodes of Scrubs you’ll ever see. Suck it up, Polly, and pick up a trowel before the Leprechaun here bites your ankles.

Remember how basically all of Stargate was a very thin (tracing paper thin) illusion to “Egyptians are a spacefaring race, full of strange and sometimes disturbing bits of mythology?” Yeah, well, imagine that with a couple more layers of paper, a hint of Indiana Jones temples, a thin veneer of Star Trek, and a heavy dose of love triangles working like Venn Diagrams. I guess it is time to finally talk about that third act of “A Space Adventure Hour,” as it ended with a heavy implication that Spock and La’an were about to start naked mind-melding. Apparently, you need a VPN to watch that now.

Much like someone redecorating around a man named John Smith, I don’t like it. Not because “Oh, it wasn’t in the original canon,” that’s the least of my worries. I’ve said it before about Chapel, and I’ll say it again about this new relationship: I just don’t care about who Spock is banging like a drum. It isn’t my idea of romance (and beyond) – I read Ruby Dixon, for the love of god – it is just the fact that the character of Spock is so far removed from what makes a relationship interesting that I have no interest in him or the thing he’s hitting with his stick.

So, of course, with Chapel and Korby banging like a flute band outside a Catholic church, there is meant to be a hint of “ohhhh, Spock and Roger are having a male bravado off.” Spock, having male bravado? Are we sure I’m watching the same show, the one where everyone is supposed to be logical adults who are supposed to be professional? To quote a line from Ted Lasso, “Let’s get it all out there. You tell me why I’m a prick, and I’ll tell you why you are.” That’s exactly what Star Trek is supposed to be: Very direct, adults having adult emotions and conversations.

Let’s talk about the plot a bit more, then I can explain why it annoyed me. So, Val here, after a few months of filling in for Nurse Chapel, is given the opportunity to fill in on a limited away team on this sci-fi excavation. Ho-hum, sure it is all that typical excited young ensign thing, but if we’re honest, it is a bit too Discovery for my liking. With the away team selected, Chapel and Korby have a chat about preparations, with him being paranoid, to which I’ve decided I don’t like the actor in the role.

Maybe he’s good in other things, but I just don’t care for him here. I don’t feel like he personally is adding anything that makes the character stand out in a good way, and maybe that’s the writing trying to make him unlikable to drive that Spock romance plot, but I still don’t care about that either. So much so that when Chapel and La’an talk about how La’an and techno space Jesus (Spock, if that wasn’t enough of a hint) spend their nights playing Zero-G Twister, I hate it. Oh, how domestic.

A few minutes later, Chapel and Spock have that Turbo-lift awkward chat from page 13 of How to Write Romantic Interests in the Least Interesting Way 101. Page 67 in Screenwriting for Dummies. I’m not going to give you the Jonathan Blow-by-Blow, but the team goes down to the surface of the planet to meet up with Tony Robinson and his boring archaeologist friend, Roger. Am I saying the blue fella wearing the Coral Reef around his neck is Tony Robinson? Yes, yes, I am.

The away team set up the magic sci-fi machines, call the Enterprise to shoot the puzzle straight out of The Witness, and only to unveil a great big underground ornate building, possibly a palace? Turns out the sign on the front door says “gimme your blood or walk on, cowboy!” So, one drop of hemoglobin later, as a ritual sacrifice, the team can get in and have a poke about, even finding the aforementioned dead blokes that came before them. In their bag, however, was a tablet with something for Uhura to translate, and under that is a small orb that Paula here picks up.

Sure enough, the second the show focuses on Belinda, Mary Lou, Stephanie, Reba, Rhoda, Trish, and several other Dr Cox references I’m sure my editor hates by now, his little eyes get blown straight out of his previous little head. A scene that of course had to come seconds after the male bravado “I know what is right – No! I know what is right.” See, here is the thing, as a premise, I don’t hate “Through the Lens of Time” because it is a return to basic ideas for a Star Trek episode. My problem is the layers on top of it, making it slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.

Turns out the building isn’t a palace, and Agnes here picked up a ball of someone’s ancient personality. It just happens to explode like a grenade, resulting in an emergency EVAC and the women (Spock and Korby) throwing handbags again over who is right. Spock, the most senior officer on the away mission, suggests to GTFO, and your man Korby is out here demanding his life’s work, that’s putting everyone’s lives in danger, be the first priority. Indeed, tell me how I’m supposed to like Lucky Charms here after that.

As it actually turns out, the building isn’t a palace but a prison for a violent ancient race that has had their personalities shoved inside the exploding balls of eye-burning fire. I’m repeating myself here, but again I’m not hating it as a concept so much as I am tired of trying to find likable bits when the characters themselves aren’t likable. So, Ensign Lady Name here was introduced with “Wedding Bell Blues,” which takes place three months after “Hegemony, Part II,” and neither in “Shuttle to Kenfori” nor “A Space Adventure Hour” did we get a hint of personality from Judy.

At best to this point, he’s been in three minutes of the show, with Korby at least having a bit more focus with “Wedding Bell Blues.” I said it with Eureka, I said it with Chibnall’s Doctor Who, and I’ll say it here: You need to show me as a viewer the beats up to this point so that I can look at a character and say I like them, or better still, know their name before the episode makes them fodder for a wider storyline. I’m not going to get into late episode spoilers, but it is obvious to a degree.

The plot idea of an ancient prison, hidden by Jonathan Suck-and-Blow’s sucky idea of puzzles, trapping a group of dangerous, eternal criminals, is solid. The idea of the prison itself being a puzzle to trap people is a bit better; it is a touch more “complex” than Blow’s cheap ideas. However, I think all of that needed a bit more time to actually feel important, as the puzzle in the prison is just that, one main puzzle. At that point, the infinite monkey theorem kind of has to be applied.

Sure, the eternal prisoners are already trapped in a ball, but what is to say someone trapped in there on accident isn’t a Vulcan? Which, according to Star Trek lore, translates to super sexy space techno Jesus, with perfectly sculpted genitals, and is good in bed. To pull myself back to criticizing the episode itself, “Through the Lens of Time” feels like two episodes trying to co-exist in a 50-ish minute runtime, where at least another 20 minutes would have relieved the pressure of time for both stories. At which point I’d be moaning about the pacing, probably.

What I think is going against “Through the Lens of Time” is the fact that the story isn’t colorful, it isn’t fun, and it isn’t completely interesting. It’s about now that I’d turn and raise eyebrows to you in a normal conversation, because “A Space Adventure hour” had lots of color despite being quite dark in places, and so was “Wedding Bell Blues” for that matter. Speaking of the episode with Rhys Darby and John de Lancie, that was first and foremost fun. I have my gripes with “Shuttle to Kenfori,” but to some degree, it was at least interesting as we continued some long-term plot points.

Here in “Through the Lens of Time,” it is more of Spock’s relationship and a broad future storyline picked up elsewhere. Yet it is done by spaffing its load on Vivian here being expended, and the one plot point I’ve basically ignored because the episode almost does too. Uhura and Beto, Erica’s little brother, are looking to make those Latin-African mixed babies, but we’re taking that very slow, only for Beto to get killed by the end of the season. That’s what is happening, right? If not, he has his entire character wasted on a terrible idea (spoilers).

The most unique (if you can call it that) aspect of “Through the Lens of Time” is probably the latter stages, where we get more detail on the puzzle, the prison, and the little eternal fellas that blow out Clarabelle’s eyes. Even then, I’m left saying, a little late to the party.

I don’t hate “Through the Lens of Time,” Johnson and Perez’s writing, most of the cast, the direction, or really any of it. I’m maybe bored with elements of it, but I don’t hate it. Which, thinking about it, is probably the most damning thing you can say while reviewing something, that you’re bored by what it is trying to put forward. Functionally, it has most of the pieces in the right order, it does what it is trying to do reasonably well, but when it comes to being entertained, intrigued, excited for more, or basically any other basic positive verb, I’m left wanting more of something or less of another.

Maybe what I’m trying to express now is what others have said about the fun episodes: Strange New Worlds has two more seasons after this, a limited number of episodes, and we’re setting up a race of eternals? We’re pondering Spock’s love interests before he starts bending a sweaty Canadian over the Captain’s chair? We’re supposed to believe Spock is the most senior officer, but is also getting into a bravado-off? Basically, we don’t have time for this, we should be enjoying what time is left and be left with good memories rather than everything J.J. Abrams touches – a half-baked mystery tripe.

Ultimately, if you’re one of those creepy people who care about Spock’s heavily suppressed emotions and being told there is a mystery box being set up, then sure, you’ll love “Through the Lens of Time.” If you were somehow invested in Bambi here, then probably not. When “Through the Lens of Time” is focused on the mission and saving our people, it is good, but when we’re watching everyone have a domestic over who Spock is putting his S-– man liquid in, I just don’t care. Maybe I’m alone in that, but that’s fine.

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SNW “Through the Lens of Time”

6

Score

6.0/10

Pros

• I like the prison idea.

Cons

• Bravado off, why?
• Sure, have Gamble, but who is Gamble?
• I could have done with more puzzles, like Allamaraine.