Keylocker is free on Epic

We’ll forgo the pretense of “look at other news from this week,” because I got a bit ranty over the weekend, and there was not much other news. Slime Rancher 2 got a release date, while this Black Desert Online-like, Chrono Odyssey, looks like the typical free-to-play (probably) MMORPG over-designed rubbish because that’s exactly what it is. My little rant, however, focuses on Westminster, the “special relationship,” the consequences of Thatcher, and the fact that people are willing to march straight into 1984 as long as it is “for the children.” No, I’m not a fan of the UK’s Online Safety Act 2023 going into effect.

Moving on to more depressing topics of the Epic Games Store, oh my, isn’t Epic just a thing this week and next? We’ll start with Pilgrims, because quite frankly, I want to anglegrind my face off as is, might as well try to drag out some words on something that’s trying to change up a rather dull genre at this point. Developed by Amanita Design, this is the Czech studio that does weird art styles for Chuchel and Happy Game. The type of art styles that you see a friend is doing and ask them if you need to phone the psychiatric ward.

I’m not being nice, am I? Aside from the art style that makes me think it is a Finnish children’s TV show, with how horrifying it is, Pilgrims is an adventure game with a twist. Though you have a very lovely 8K ultra-wide monitor that costs more than most people’s houses, Pilgrims uses only a small portion of that to show the world, and an even smaller portion to show the cards. Basically, you stumble into several situations with a select number of cards and have to use those cards to solve the problem.

Pilgrims is a twist on the point-and-click adventure game by making it horrific and tedious. I’m sure if you like Amanita Design’s stuff, you’re happy, but I honestly can’t be bothered. Pilgrims is not only available on PC this week, but it is also the free game on the Android app globally, as well as iOS for iPhone and iPad in the EU.

From horrific art styles to “Ok, yeah, but can I at least get a font that’s a bit less difficult for me to read?” Keylocker | Turn Based Cyberpunk Action is a very JRPG-inspired game that focuses on music and particularly “the electric singer, B0B0.” I hear BOBO has a side gig working for Ferrari on communications. All you really need to know about Keylocker is that it is a cyberpunk world in the style of a 90s JRPG, where all music is considered illegal. Something, something, “the world liberals want.”

I’d be more excited about Keylocker this week if, for one, Moonana fixed its title and put a hyphen between turn and based. Though my second bit of moaning is the fact that it uses that stylized, thin pixel font – something that I’m sure fans of Final Fantasy VII love, but I’m not, and more importantly, I’m also dyslexic. An RPG, which by default is going to be long, asking me to read font that’s going to be a problem for me, and could have important text that needs to be read quickly? Might as well just tell me to dip my Betty Swollocks in acid.

All this week, you can pick up Pilgrims and Keylocker | Turn Based Cyberpunk Action on the Epic Games Store for PC, as well as pick up Pilgrims on the Epic Games Store for Android globally and iOS in the EU, until next Thursday. Moving on to the offerings next week, and it is motorbike-based combat Road Redemption and 112 Operator, a strategy game about being the dispatcher for the emergency services.