Dating simulators are a fun way to enhance the connection between you and some pixels on a screen. They’re not for everyone, but they sure do know their target audience, tempting players with multiple endings and a variety of personalities/potential suitors. So what if a dating sim involved up to a hundred dateable options, and all took place within the comfort (and comfortability) of your own home? In Date Everything!, you’re the target of affection for every single object in your two-story abode. Does this ridiculous premise pull it off?

Despite its wacky objective, Date Everything! humanizes each object with a clever namesake, a unique character design, and a voice actor/actress, all tailored to the object itself. For example, the talented Ben Starr voices the door by the name of Dorian, whereas Troy Baker talks via a Viking treadmill named Kristof. The dialectic star power is on full display, with nary any of the hundred gabbers phoning in their performance. In fact, it’s laugh-out-loud level passion married with smartly-written dialogue. Even if you’re just face-to-face with a moving .png file, they truly come to life and leave the player forming their own opinions with ample write-back dialogue choices, as well.

I can’t stress enough how positively incredible the design of each individual dateable in Date Everything! is. Whether it’s the RGB wheelchair of your desktop computer, the ramen-blazen print of your dishes, or the buttons on your childhood teddy bear, when you first drum up a convo with a new character, a good portion of the designs had me bursting out laughing in their intricate whimsy. Quantity doesn’t sacrifice quality, either. I found every subsequent encounter consistently impressed me and kept me coming back for more.

That’s where Date Everything! is so impressive: it never gets old. The day-night gameplay loop and the backstory of your home confinement keeps things fresh for long gameplay sessions. As you can only converse with a character once a day, I kept mental notes of who I would look forward to on subsequent days since the game incentivizes regular visits over random wandering, but at the same time, can be played at any pace without missing out on anything. This accessible nature means there are no losers and no stress in romancing your preferred appliances. With multiple endings, there is a ton of replayability should you want to just befriend your rubber ducky or ship-in-a-bottle.

Date Everything! is a welcome surprise and an absolute delight to unravel. Sometimes a video game is so over-the-top and campy that it just works, and I surely didn’t expect this one to have me hooked and singing its praises to the extent I am. It may sound crazy, but I think everyone who ends up picking up Date Everything! might find a character they end up storing in their brain for a long time to come – whether it be the twink cat clock, the burly kitchen table, or even the game code itself.

A PC review copy of Date Everything! was provided by Team17 for this review.

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$29.99

9.5

Score

9.5/10

Pros

• 100+ Stellar Voice Performances
• Amazing Character Designs
• Laugh-out-loud Dialogue
• Excellent Pace

Cons

• Just a few wonky UI issues