Deadtime Defenders is free on Epic

Monday, Elden Ring Nightreign showed off some gameplay. Tuesday, Gears of War will be coming to PlayStation 5, and you know what, I saw a pig fly the other day, while White Paper Games’ new walking sim-ish horror thing, I AM RIPPER got revealed. A small game called Grand Theft Auto VI got its second trailer, Knock on the Coffin Lid is coming to consoles this month, and Starbreeze bought the publishing rights to Payday 3 to speed up the development of updates. Thursday, Assetto Corsa EVO got a new update, and my Porsche 911 joke didn’t survive the edit, while She’s Leaving is another forensic pathology game I’ve wishlisted.

Onto the Epic Games Store for this week, which is a double bill before we have a mystery double bill. I am totally excited about this and do not want to feed my face through a woodchipper. We’ll talk about Touch Type Tale first, because sure, get the Dyslexic talking about touch typing that’s way less offensive than my Porsche joke. I bet it is lovely, I bet for those who enjoy typing tutors it is great, and I hope Pumpernickel Studio and Mythwright are happy with it. However, it is medieval fantasy and a typing tutor, two of my least favorite things, alongside Piers Morgan’s existence and politicians.

For once, the Epic Games Store’s mobile offering isn’t a double bill and/or includes something we’re getting on PC. Not that it is much better, but ChennaiGames Studio’s MR RACER is a “racing game” about dodging traffic on a mobile phone. It’s a bit like that train runner thing that’s behind many of the “brain rot” Reddit posts being read out by an AI voice, so whoever runs that Instagram, YouTube, or TikTok account can make a small amount of money for minimal effort. I want to say that there is skill involved, but my fat thumbs and Burnout-trained brain say otherwise.

MR RACER on the Epic Games Store’s mobile store offers the “Premium” experience of ad-free racing. You get the “Fancy Pack” which gives you Need for Speed: Underground 2 style under-car lighting, and “5 million” in-game cash. There is no word on what currency that is, not even a fictional name; it is just noted as in-game cash.

The other offering on the PC storefront, however, is the “better” looking Deadtime Defenders. A “side-scrolling looter shooter RPG” with art design that reminds me why I hate people. Tiny bodies-big heads will always look off to me, no matter how many sexy people collect FunkoPops. I’ll give Arcane Embers this much, at least the eyes don’t look dead and soulless for the human-shaped characters. Otherwise, my opinion of looter shooters stays the same as they have been since Borderlands; they are social tools to play with friends and are very rarely designed to be good games on their own.

All this week for PC, you can pick up Deadtime Defenders and Touch Type Tale on the Epic Games Store, and for those on Android globally and iPhone/iPad in the EU, you can pick up MR RACER until the morning of the 15th of May. Moving on to next week, I’ll join the rest of Italy by doing a Marvin Heemeyer if Ferrari doesn’t get its act together for Imola. As for Epic, however, that’s up in the air because it’s another one of those vault mystery/sale things. Here’s hoping it’s better offerings than free-to-play crap and touch typing tutors.